Impatient

Most babies don't arrive by their due date. I think only about 40% do. That doesn't stop me from being frustratingly impatient.

Little one is due 21st January so it's another (including today) 10 days. I keep thinking she'll come earlier, but I don't know if I can trust my gut feeling. I mean, I thought more than once that I was pregnant before finding out that we were infertile. I was convinced it was a boy until they told me it's a girl. So I am not really sure if I can trust what I read into my body signals now!

It's just that baby has started to become quieter. She is still moving enough not to worry me and still has a mean left kick if she wants to. But she is running out of space and allegedly that's a sign that babies come soon when they get quiet.

The last few days I was incredibly emotional and irritable. My parents (mainly my mother) is such a worrier. No matter what I say she'll panick. E.g. I say that in England you share a room with 4-6 women after delivery. She worries that it will be noisy and we won't be able to rest. Then I say that my husband wants to pay for a single room so I have more privacy and can recover better and she worries that I collapse and faint and nobody will know. That's just one example. Another is that I am consultant led because of IVF / ICSI. I would prefer to be midwife led as it is more natural and probably calmer and after all, I didn't have any problems in pregnancy. She agreed that it is better to have less doctors and people coming around but when I said that I want to ask the midwife if I can be midwife led for labour my mother panicked that I don't get the best care. She said the other day that it is a shame she is so far away so she can't be with me during those last few days. I said that I think it's good she is so far away as she only would worry the life out of me with her worrying. Not very nice, I know. But true. I try to be so calm and relaxed about birth and so far succeed quite well. The hypnosis recording seems to be good for me as well. but everytime I talk to her I start worrying... She actually said that birth is harder and more worrying for grandparents than for the mother to be... Excuse me???

Anyway, I burst into tears day before yesterday as well. My husband came home from work and I told him something that happened on the day. Half way through my sentence he started reading an email and telling me that the colleague it was from was a right ****** all day and walked off to his car to get something out. I know he sometimes doesn't think. I know he doesn't mean to do this. I know he is still with his mind at work. But it might be feel so irrelevant and unloved and not important. And when he didn't realised why I cried it made it even worse. Thing is, he was always like that and if I was dealing with it for the past 7 years, why does it make me burst into tears now? Well, it's hormones I guess.

I am also sweating a lot at night. So much that I sometimes need to get up half through the night, get a shower and get changed. I know that's normal in late pregnancy but I never sweat. I've been to Dubai for a week without losing a drop of sweat...

Baby is also clearly pushing on my cervix. I feels like a sharp pain several times a day, as if someone is pushing a knife or a sharp needle in it. It only lasts a second or so, but I guess it means I am opening.

But all I can do now is being patient and wait. I have an appointment on the 27th for a membrane sweek in case she doesn't arrive before. But I really hope she won't make me wait that long. I don't really want a membrane sweep and certainly no induction. But I know that wouldn't be optional as a consultant led patient.

Everything is ready for little one. Clothes washed, ironed and put away. Bed prepared. Changing table in position and well equipped. All that's missing now is a baby!

Wish me luck. It could be any day now.