Why do men not think

14th October

I’m trying not to have a go at my husband. He has been ever so good
through the whole agony of TTC, infertility, treatment and pregnancy.
I know I complain at times but I also know that he is doing his best
and that he must love me very much to be there for me as he is and to
share this journey with me.

But I was really annoyed yesterday. He had to go to London for work
and was away overnight. So I saw him last in the morning before I went
to the midwife. We agreed I’d let him know how it went. I asked if
he’d call me in the evening and he said he probably would (okay, to be
fair – he said “I might”, but he always says that when he means
“yes”).

I went to the midwife and met another midwife yet. My ‘normal’ midwife
whom I never met yet is still off ill and the ones I met last time who
came back from retirement was now to be replaced by a new one. They
were both there. The new midwife seemed quite inexperienced, she
didn’t know any of the forms I asked for such as Health in Pregnancy
Grand and MATB1 and didn’t know the computer system, the old midwife
even explained to her how to take my blood pressure. I wish I could
stay with the one who is really retired. It was the first of my 4 or 5
midwifes so far I felt really comfortable with. She was calm,
explained things plainly, was honest and no-nonsense. I felt as if I
truly was in safe hands and that’s what you want to feel like when you
are pregnant for the first time. Especially when you had a long and
painful journey to get there. She seemed like the kind of woman who I
could break down in tears with if I’d worry about something and she’d
just hold and soothe me until I felt better. Not that I intended to
that or felt that I had to, but it felt good to feel that I could.
Anyway, I am digressing. I am sure the new one will learn quickly. And
maybe, just maybe the ‘real’ one will stay off ill until my baby is
born so I don’t have to change again…

Back to my story. They checked my blood pressure which was fine. They
checked the baby’s heartbeat. That took a few attempts because the
baby kept kicking the Doppler away before she could get measurements!
But that’s fine, too. She measured my belly which was 26cm and
therefore roughly 1cm too big, which is fine. If it’d be 2 cm too big
they’d need to look into it. She felt the baby and confirmed my
suspicions that it now is positioned sideways (transverse) rather than
breach and she said that she still has enough time to turn fully and
that this would be the reason for my bad back in the past week. There
was a problem with my urine sample though (which is getting rather
hard to retrieve by the way if you can’t see past your belly anymore).
It was some protein and leukocytes (not sure how to spell this – it’s
some kind of bacteria) in it. So they had to send this to the lab.

The (old) midwife explained that it is probably just borderline and no
reason for concern. She did seem surprised though to find them…
Basically this could be nothing and clear itself – if the values are
very low I won’t hear anything. Or they might call me and prescribe
some antibiotics if the values are too high which could be just a
urinary tract (bladder) infection or the beginning of preeclampsia -
I’m not too keen on this as I don’t even take headache pills in order
to put as little chemicals on the little one as possible. But if it
needs treatment it’s too much of a risk not to clear it as it would
get worse. Or, if the values are really high it could be the beginning
of pre-eclampsia in which case I’d be off ill from work for a while (I
can’t! Not yet! We don’t have a maternity cover yet and I am at a peak
phase of my project!) and take antibiotics. Pre-eclampsia is a serious
condition and can lead to real health problems and pre-mature birth.
As I already suffer badly from gum bleeding (I sometimes wake up in
the morning with blood on my front teeth, so bad is it) which I have
been seeing my dentist about, but which also is a known risk factor
for premature birth, this worries me.

They did say that most likely it is absolutely nothing – in which case
I won’t get a phone call. Especially as my blood pressure was fine, I
have no increased vaginal discharge, swollen hand or feet, sever
headaches or sickness which can be side effects (but don’t have to).
But you can imagine that I don’t leave my mobile out of my sight in
the moment just in case.

Anyway, I left my husband a message on his mobile after the midwife
explaining that the baby was fine, but that there were problems with
my urine sample which were sent to the lab. I said it was probably
nothing, but it also could be a serious issue, so I’ll have to wait
for the call. I said ‘I’ll speak to you tonight.’ I know he went into
a meeting at 10am and this was 5 minutes before so he probably didn’t
get the message before his meeting. He came home a few minutes after
me in the evening, but he had a colleague in tow and was just picking
up some papers on the way to London, so of course we couldn’t talk. I
went to bed reasonably early but took my mobile with me and stayed
awake until 11:30pm (this must be a new pregnancy record for me)
waiting for his call. I didn’t want to call him as he might have still
been in a restaurant or with colleagues. But he never rang.

I thought he might call me this morning which he sometimes does if he
isn’t able to call in the evening when he has to stay away so I
delayed getting up and left later for work than usual. He didn’t ring.

So the earliest I’ll speak to him now will be tonight – probably not
before 8pm. I would have thought that he’d at least call me for 5
minutes to make sure I’m okay and to find out more about the results…

I know exactly what his ‘reasoning’ will be and don’t say that’s
sensible, because I don’t want to hear it…. ‘By the time I was in
London it was at least 10pm and we went straight for a meal before the
hotel restaurant closed. By the time I was back in the room it was
11pm and you always sleep before then nowadays so I didn’t want to
wake you up. This morning I only got up after you’d leave home. And
anyway you said the results were probably no cause to worry and that
there is nothing we can do apart from hoping that there won’t be a
phone call from the doctor surgery. So there was nothing I could have
done anyway.’

True. But just a phone call could be so reassuring.