TMI

I wrote this blog entry a couple of weeks ago, just after my appointment with the new consultant. I never got around to load it, so here it goes, slightly delayed...


I was terrified yesterday. But let’s start at the beginning.

I recently moved which means I had to change midwife and hospital.
That was always going to be a pain, but to be honest, once I managed
to get into the new GP it all went as smoothly as it could. I had my
last midwife appointment with the old midwife on the day we moved.
Then it took me several weeks to get seen to and booked in at the new
GP. The nurse who did the examination then arranged for a widwife
appointment with the new midwife. She filled in all the forms to
transfer me to the local hospital, re-did my free NHS subscription
application (as I never received the card first time I applied) and
told me to still go to my scan at the old hospital.

Earlier this week I then received a letter from the new hospital to
attend an appointment on Thursday (yesterday) for a scan and meeting
with the new consultant. It takes me an hour from work to the hospital
so I luckily managed to move the appointment from 1:40pm to 4pm. The
appointment is necessary as I have a consultant led care (due to IVF)
rather than midwife led. But it’s still a pain. I had so many doctor
appointments this month and have so much to do at work and they still
haven’t sorted out my maternity cover.

Anyway, I worked through lunch and ate at my desk to make up for the
time I’d lose again. I found the hospital quite easily and after a
while managed to ‘bully’ the stupid cow in the carpark out of the way
who thought it was clever to block the drive to the few free spaces to
have a good old chat on the phone. I was in half an hour before my
appointment. They sent me through to the scan department who said ‘You
are hours late! Not sure we can still see you now! You might have to
come back another time.” I very patiently explained that I actually
called and was given a 4pm appointment so I was actually early…. To be
fair, they didn’t fuss and said that it hadn’t been passed on to them
but would be okay in that case. A few minutes later they asked if I
had a mid-pregnancy scan in the old hospital and I confirmed. Then
they took my maternity notes to the consultant who said I wouldn’t
need another scan. But I was told to wait and see the consultant.

After a long wait (over an hour) I finally saw the consultant (and a
trainee and a midwife). They were very nice. They went through my
notes. They check my urine sample (I am getting quite good in peeing
in those tiny pots) and took my blood pressure. They felt and measured
my stomach. It was 23 cm which is great as I was 1 day off 23 weeks,
so right on target. Then they listened to my baby’s heartbeat which
was strong and clear. She said it was already very regular for the
stage. Whilst I felt a bit as if I wasted my time I really could have
done with at work (I only had all those tests done a week before after
all), it’s always good to know and have confirmation that the little
one is well.

Then I left again. Realising I was about to run out of petrol I filled
the car and bought some lemonade in the shops. By the time I was home
it was nearly 7pm and I was utterly exhausted, which probably is a key
reason why I felt as I did later in the day. I just can’t do this any
more. I get tired and exhausted and need to take things quieter.

Anyway, husband and I had dinner and towards the end of the meal I
started having stomach pain. I have this sometimes since being
pregnant. It usually is trapped wind or a little bit constipation.
Luckily I don’t seem to suffer with this as much as some others. I
went to the bathroom and the pain got worse by the minute. I was
doubling up (as far as my belly allowed) and was in agony. After what
seemed a lifetime I passed some wind and thought that would be better
now. But it still got more painful. After what felt like hours I
started having the worst diarrhea ever. One minute I was doubling up
in agony, the next I had to flush the toilet again and the third I was
vomiting. It just wouldn’t end. I was constipated and when I managed
to release it came out as diarrhea. I was so worried about harming the
little one.

Then I wiped (sorry, this is really getting TMI – TOO MUCH
INFORMATION) and there was blood on the toilet paper. Not a lot, just
about the size of a penny piece. I started crying in pain and fear. I
was terrified of pushing any more and had visions of giving birth to a
premature baby on the toilet (I know, I overreacted – but I am still a
little bit emotional and terrified of harming the baby I want so
much). I kept shouting for my husband who was in the kitchen with the
music on full volume and didn’t hear me.

I lay down on the floor in the toilet and tried breathing
systematically to cope with the pain, then I went back on the toilet.
By this time I had massive lower back pain and knowing that lower back
pain, severe cramps and diarrhea can be a sign of labour I was
terrified beyond belief and kept checking for more blood. Luckily
none.

At some point I felt well enough to go to the kitchen and get me some
water (as my husband still hadn’t heard me shouting). He said “You’ve
been for hours.” I don’t complain. He didn’t know. But it was hard to
be patient the way I felt. I said “Yes, I am in f****ing agony.”
Slammed the door and went back to the toilet. Bless him, he realised
that I didn’t just have wind. He came to the toilet, asked if I am
okay on toilet paper and if there was anything he could do. A few
minutes later I came out, feeling exhausted and in pain, but no longer
having cramps. I explained to my husband what had happened. I had
calmed down by now and rationally explained that the blood was so
little and probably from the strain so wouldn’t be a cause for worry.
I told him that I’d go straight to bed and could he please check on me
in half an hour to make sure I was okay. I also told me (taking any
accusation I might have felt out of my voice) that his wife is
pregnant. Nearly heavily pregnant. If I go to the bathroom in pain, he
might want to make sure that he is in shouting distance in case I need
help. And if I don’t come out for over ½ hour he might just want to
check that I am okay.

He checked on me half an hour later. I still felt sore and exhausted,
but haven’t had any more bouts of diarrhea or any blood. I was just
lying on the recommended left side position apologies to my princess
about the upheaval caused in my stomach and praying that she was okay.
She kicked me very gently a few times to tell her Mummy that she is
okay, for which I was grateful.

At some point I fell asleep. About midnight my husband came up. I woke
up but not fully enough to open my eyes. He was ever so good. He
didn’t switch on the light, even used the bathroom in the dark so the
vent wouldn’t go on. He covered me up with my duvet. I remember
thinking that at moments like this I love him so much. He can be so
caring if he wants to be. Anyway, I went straight back to sleep.

I woke up throughout the night because I was sweating like crazy. I
don’t normally sweat a lot, so I think I must have had a fever. My
nursing pillow which I use to help me sleeping was soaked through and
through so I removed it from the bed. I was worried that I had broken
my water or peed myself (you never know in pregnancy) but I was soaked
through from face to toes, so it was just sweat. Thank God for that. I
went to the toilet (no blood, no diarrhea, just wee), washed the sweat
off and changed my nightgown.

This morning I was luckily well. I still feel a little sore but I seem
to have got rid of whatever this was. Baby is a little more subdued
today, but is kicking and turning regularly enough to not be a cause
of worry. I am tired though. I made it to work – I felt guilty already
about having been off so many hours again yesterday. But I am tired.
And feel cold. I can’t wait for it being 5pm and I can go home again.
If I get sick or diarrhea again to day I’ll go to the hospital to
avoid any risks. But I think it is just a bug (loads of people are ill
at work in the moment even though not with these symptoms) so
hopefully I am on the road of recovery and it has nothing to do with
the little princess inside me.

Still, it was scary. Baby is kicking. I think she agrees.