Diarrhea

I just found this note I wrote when I was 12+3 and must have forgotten to load up. So here we go...

12th July

I had a minor panic attack just after lunch. On the way up from the
canteen I suddenly got really violent stomach cramps. I pretty much
had to run to the toilet and just so made it before I lost control
over my bowels. I was really worried because at first it was so liquid
that I thought it had to be really dark blood. I kept telling myself
“It’s okay, baby. You’re okay. I’m not losing you.” and was close to
tears from pain and fear. I was really worried. I couldn’t get off for
nearly 15 minutes…

Of course – disgusting, I know – I had a good look afterward but I
don’t think there was any blood. Maybe I just didn’t agree with the
salmon, potato and carrots I had for lunch (I thought that was a
rather healthy meal I chose…). I went back to my desk and drunk some
water. You are meant to avoid dehydration after all and diarrhea
certainly dehydrates. But that wasn’t the best idea ever. Five minutes
later I was running through the office back to the bathroom (just to
give you the visual image – that is past 7 desk islands with 4 staff
on each…). I’ve been 3 times in less than an hour – it was less severe
each time, but there can’t be much left in me…

I know diarrhoea can be quite normal in pregnancy, but it scared the
life out of me. It was so violent. And of course accompanied by
stomach cramps. All I could think was – ‘I just started telling
people. It can’t happen now. It’s too late. I started believing this
is real.’

Not sure about dinner tonight. Maybe I stay on children stock rather
than the chicken in sweet and sour sauce with egg fried noodles I
prepared. I’ll certainly go straight to bed when I get out of here.

My fear earlier probably wasn’t helped by the fact that I was wearing
my maternity trousers for the first time today and therefore didn’t
feel quite as big. It’s the first time for weeks I had my trousers
closed. So I started worrying that my stomach suddenly felt flatter. I
know. It wouldn’t go down that quickly.

I think I might have a tough 2nd trimester ahead. I was quite lucky in
the first trimester. Apart from dizziness, very occasional queasiness,
stomach cramps, breast pain, stuffy / bleeding nose, breathlessness
and constant exhaustion I didn’t have any symptoms. I didn’t really
suffer too much compared to others. No real sickness and vomiting and
the like.

Since the 2nd trimester started I had soft and bleeding gums,
diarrhea, dizziness, stomach cramps, stuffy / bleeding nose, tiredness
and haemorrhoids. And I am only 3 days into the 2nd trimester. Let’s
hope this gets more fun.

By the way. I decided. Today is not the right day to tell everyone at
work. Even though when I tell them they might remember my running to
the toilet today and think it was morning sickness.

But here is why today is not the day:

• My manager had a flat tyre this morning and probably won’t be in the
best mood ever once he makes it in.
• The girl who was recruited to do my old job when I was promoted in
January has just been sent home on involuntary leave and I doubt
she’ll come back.
• The next 2 days our big boss from the head office is coming over for
a strategy meeting.

Maybe not the best timing to drop a bombshell like ‘I won’t be able to
finish that massive £4m project were I am the only person in the
company with the knowledge of the processes to run it because I am
pregnant.’

My maternity trousers look quite normal (apart from still being a
little loose and therefore making me look thinner again) so I think it
is better to wait a few days. The only possible days this week were
today or Friday. On Friday I have a monthly meeting with my manager
anyway, so it’ll be the best time to tell him. I’m sure he’s okay with
it. He won’t be overly excited as this will cause him quite a few
issues, but I’m sure he’ll accept is gracefully and will be happy for
me as well. I’ll give him the choice if he wants to discuss it with
his director before I go public or not. It will cause a bit of a panic
I think as many people got in the habit of relying on my rather than
learning themselves. I always warned them it wasn’t a good idea
because ‘ what if I am run over by a bus tomorrow.’ but I guess they
found it too easy.